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Gruntipedia fun: Meat and Taters
Meat and Taters were a Brute and a Grunt aboard the Covenant holy city of High Charity. In the time they spent there, they became close friends. This is their story. Overview of Meat Meat is a Brute. He wasn't much special among his Brute friends until he killed a Jackal with his bear hands and gave it to his family as a Thanksgiving feast. Since then, he was known as "Meat." Later, he invented Brut Aftershave (which, as you may have guessed, didn't sell well amongst Brutes), ran for President, and bit off an Elite's index finger. Life was good for Meat until the Prophet of Haters abducted him onto High Charity. Aboard, they brain-washed him by making him watch 2 Girls, 1 Cup over and over again until he had a vision of Cortana getting breast implants between Halo 2 and Halo 3. Afterwards, they threw him in room 69 until they found that he was needed. ...]] Overview of Taters Taters is a Grunt. His mom was a hooker and his dad was a pimp. Tater's mom got pregnant on the "job" and eventually gave birth to Taters in a dumpster behind Burger King. When she was done, she left him there to fend for himself. After sitting on Whoppers and fries for sixteen hours, the Prophet of Haters found him and took him into High Charity. There, he was raised on a diet of steroids and Gruntiness to make him the ultimate warrior. After two years of this, he was ripped. Taters was even able to beat the Arbiter (Arbiturd) in an arm wrestling match. He was a true warrior. Eventually though, the Brutes became jealous of his skill and filed demands to the Testicle Chins that he be put in the lonely room of 69 on the B wing or that they would hurl their own feces about the city. And so Taters was. In there, he had nothing to do but work out and make up songs about how his room smelled like genitalia; but after about a month, he became increasingly lonely. But, this problem was solved when he got a new room-mate. His name was Soulja Boy the Jackal. They enjoyed themselves there. Making up Hip-Hop songs and grotesque dances. Playing Monopoly, etc. Sadly, their time was not long, for Soulja Boy was called to battle the Master Chief (Jesus with guns) in hand to hand combat. After a few days, Taters got a package and in it was: all that was left of Soulja Boy...half of his forearm, which had Master Chief's signature on it. So Taters lived alone in room 69 for three years, cut off from the outside world, wondering how often Master Chief was able to shower...or go to the bathroom. That was...until...he got a new room-mate. ...]] .]] How They Became Friends Taters' new room-mate was Meat the Brute. At first, they did not like eachother because of their species' differences; but after months of confinement and enless Hip-Hop records, they bagan to talk about their pasts and how they got where they were today. After time, they became such good friends that they made songs about the genital-like odor of the Prophets and dances too. They talked about how bad they wanted to bone Cortana and a bunch of other whores. They watched television, the only thing they had for entertainment. They liked Jerry Springer in particular though. Two more happy years they spent in room 69. That was until they were called to battle... Their First Battle Meat and Taters were called into the Prophet's inner sanctum to receive their first orders. The Prophets demanded that they follow five Jackals and a Hunter into battle with the Master Chief. This was suicide but they had no other choice. The next morning, they took a dip in the butter couldron and boarded the Phantom called: Dairy Queen ROFL. Where they were dropped off at Sierra 117 on Earth. They quickly received orders from the chief Jackal to move behind a rock. The Jackal felt that the Master Chief was close. Meat and Taters obeyed. chief...]] So the whole troop sat there for almost two hours waiting for Master Chief to arrive. The silence was broken by Taters, he asked to take a wizz and was granted permission to do so in a nearby bush. As Taters pissed, he noticed the bush move. Then it spoke: "Oh FUCK! Who just pissed all over my suit!?" It was Master Chief. Taters was in shock. He began to run in the other direction, but Master Chief was too swift. He grabbed Taters and lifted him in the air, beginning to squeeze his throat. Taters seemed doomed...until the Hunter shot Master Cheif with a beam of green semen. Master Cheif dropped Taters. saves Taters...]] "Damn!" He said, "haven't you guys wet on my suit enough!?" He then pulled out his Rocket Launcher (Rocket Lawn Chair) and blew up all five Jackals, with the remark, "wow, chickens do fly..." Then he shot the Hunter with his Plasma Pistol killing it. By this time, Meat and Taters had escaped. Their First Job After their daring escape, they ran the streets as convicts and freaks. That was until, they found a local Wendy's restraunt. They applied for jobs there and were granted their wish. So they flipped burgers and served a multitude of Humans their horrible food. Sometimes, they even threw straws at children. Actually, their food was so bad that the Human customers ripped down the building and deficated all over the rubble that was left. Now Meat and Taters were unemployed and were quickly found by none other than Dr. Phil. Appearance on the Dr. Phil Show Dr. Phil gave Meat and Taters a new car in exchange for them both appearing on his show. So who couldn't resist a shiny new car with words on it's sides that said: Don't Pass, Get Gas...Oh Wait, You're Too Poor So You Can't Get Gas Because You Work At Frickers. The deal was done. Wednesday morning at 10:00 AM, Meat and Taters appeared in an episode of Dr. Phil dealing with the treatment of ass-ugly poeple. During the show, Dr. Phil harrased them with thousands of personal questions, such as: "Are you gay?" "Who's your favorite sports team." "Do you like Dairy Queen." "What would you like to be when you grow up." And..."would you like fries with that?" Meanwhile, the Prophet of Haters was watching and found the two escape convicts that he was searching for. In the middle of the show, the Prophet of Haters drove the Phantom called: Vitamin Water LOL straight into the walls of Dr. Phil's stage. He had two Elites drag Meat and Taters in the Phantom. He approached the stage and flipped off the audience, as he did this, a screaming little girl came out of the producers room and ran out the exit. Then theProphet of Haters left. Since that day, Dr. Phil was known as a child molester. Return to High Charity ...]] When Meat and Taters returned to High Charity, they were immediatley sent to the jails. There, the Prophets punished them by making them listen to a quire of singing Jackals outside the cell. It sounded like someone stepping on a cat, the scratching of nails against a chalk board, and a n00b getting raped. Meat and Taters thought that they would go mad until something even worse happened. AIDS Attack on High Charity At 2:00 in the morning on Thursday, the Flood (AIDS) made a surprise attack on High Charity along with the Master Chief himself. This was too much for the Covenant to handle. They fell and lost all of High Charity to the AIDS. In the midst of the fight, Meat and Taters escaped from their cell and retreated to room 69. They spent a whole month there with gas masks and dead Jackal to sustain themselves; but eventually they knew that they had to make an attempt to escape High Charity. They had to finish the fight. after the AIDS infestation...]] Meat and Taters Fight the AIDS Meat and Taters devised a plan in their room to use the ventallation shafts to reach High Charity's major air craft dock. The plan was almost flawless. ...]] So Meat and Taters traveled through ventallation ducts towards the dock. Suddenly, the vents gave way. Meat and Taters landed in a room full of Flood. Taters couldn't help but say, "JESUS! It smells like Halo 2 in here!" Meat pulled out a Mauler and Taters pulled out his trusty Spiker (Nail Gun ). They fired away at the hordes of Flood. After two minutes of Flood pwnage, the AIDS quelled and pulled back. Meat and Taters ran all they way to the dock; they had made it at last! The Fate of Meat and Taters As they boarded the huge CCS-class Battle Cruiser, Gravemind grabed the back of the ship and slowly began to pull them in. It was this moment that would define Meat and Taters forever. They knew that there was no chance of escape. Then Taters saw the "Self Destruct" button. They knew that there was no way to escape so they decided to push it. Before they did, Taters yelled at the AIDS: "SUCK MY POINTY GRUNT PENIS!" Then he pushed the button. The ship exploded killing: Meat, Taters, and millions of AIDS. In the end Meat and Taters died. But they won with a score of: Flood: 2 Meat and Taters: 592,000,069 The Legacy of Meat and Taters Meat and Taters were known as some of the most courageous infantry to brave the field of battle; but most of all, they were taken as an example that anyone can be friends... Category:BruteCategory:CharactersCategory:GruntsCategory:Unseen CharactersCategory: Cannon FodderCategory: Douchebags